Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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