i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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