3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
