think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
