I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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