So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
