can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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