Too much gin, very little bucket
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i will never coherently bang her
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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