True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
