he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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