Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
