I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
