In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
