Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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