there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
