oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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