And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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