i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
