girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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