God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Everyone says I win the strip club
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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