..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
