how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
