do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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