My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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