New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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