Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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