No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
