He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
The air was thick with penises
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
