im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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