just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
