I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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