She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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