I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
