This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize