WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
