He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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