I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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