I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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