Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
