i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I need to calm my uterus...
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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