Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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