He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
he was CRYING into my vagina
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
