You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I looked at my own cervix.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
