I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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