Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Randomize
