Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
