sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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