My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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