my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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