After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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