you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
You took a bar mat shot.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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