I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
