I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
