I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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