its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
