If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
