Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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