Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
