It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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