Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
