i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I'm having to shit out rocks
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
