If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
