My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize