Well now I have my semen on her headphones
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
