He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
