apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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