Moan for me like Helen Keller
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
