When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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