just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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