Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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