U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
