I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
