I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
