he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
he shaved USA in his pubs
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
