Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I need to stop coming to work sober
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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